Category: new friends

Sometimes when in times of trouble

My husband walked out of my life the week school started, and my mother passed away 10 days ago. My siblings are bickering, my son is depressed, and I am overwhelmed by sadness and grief for all that I’ve lost this year. I still wake up at 3:00 am in a panic about finances. Oh — and I’m teaching full time in a public school in the midst of a pandemic.

But one thing I’ve experienced has been a huge source of comfort: female friends. Neighbors, colleagues, relatives, and acquaintances have reached out to me just to talk, go for a walk, bring a meal, flowers, offer to feed the cat, hug me, say how much they’ve been thinking about me, offer condolences, or lend an ear.

“You will always find people who are helping,” children’s TV host Fred Rogers famously said. I’ve always been the one doing the helping, so it feels a little awkward to be on the receiving end of so much caring support. But I am enormously thankful. I think I’ve even made a couple of new friends.

It’s taken me decades to learn a lesson that many women know from their earliest years of life: Women will support you if you show vulnerability and express a need. Why did I wait until my 60’s to open up? Talking about hurt and pain is a way to ease it. I so appreciate everyone who has reached out to me these last couple of months.

Tribute to my mother, Ruth Christ Sullivan.

How to make 140 new friends in 5 days

When I accepted the English Language Teaching Fellowship back in March, I knew that I would be giving notice to my public school district and setting off on an exhilarating new adventure. A lot of teachers my age are counting down the days to retirement, but I have taken a leave of absence to travel alone to the other side of the world. (My husband might come visit, but he isn’t moving to Southeast Asia with me.) I was thrilled to be matched to Laos, the country I fell in love with as a tourist in 2015. The natural beauty of Luang Prabang makes it one of the top World Heritage sites. The Mekong River, whose name punctuated my formative years, would soon be at my front door. The warm-hearted Laotian people would welcome me and tie friendship bracelets around my wrists again. It is fate I told myself.

A little nervous anxiety kicked in, however, when I realized I’d be going as an independent contractor, and not a U.S. Embassy employee or an employee of Georgetown University, who actually runs the program. I would not be a Peace Corps Volunteer, as I was in 1982 in Niger, with the weight of the U.S. government behind me. Nor would I be “the wife of ~” as I was 22 years ago when I followed my husband to the Comoros Islands as a trailing Peace Corps spouse. I wouldn’t even have the wonderful tour guide who led our group of teachers in 2015. Who will tell me where the good larb salad is? I wondered. How will I know who to contact at the Ministry of Education? Who will tell me if I’m too old to go rowing? Who will have my back if something goes wrong?

I ignored the sense of apprehension that settled into the pit of my stomach. My support network would be just an email or a Skype conversation away. Right? I spoke with the outgoing Fellows leaving the country, and got some good logistical advice. Too bad they wouldn’t be in-country to greet me when I arrived. I started to cross items off my To Do list. All my burning questions could wait for the Pre Departure Orientation in Washington, DC. Well, the orientation took place last week in Washington, DC and I met 140 other English Language teaching Fellows going to 70 countries around the world.  Now I know that I will not be truly alone at my post.

The Pre Departure Orientation (PDO) involved an intense five days of lectures, workshops, discussions, and receptions at the historic Mayflower Hotel. And coffee. I did not realize that the U.S. Department of State would be out in force – sharing resources, teaching strategies, and a network of connections to help in my professional growth. I didn’t realize that the Georgetown University team would be working so hard to put together an outstanding conference. Now that PDO is finished, I can say that a lot of people want to see me succeed.

But more valuable than anything else during PDO, was the group of Fellows themselves. I did not realize that there would be so many talented teachers – in the flesh – offering recommendations, jokes, and a hand of friendship. It was remarkable that we all had a certain openness in common, which made breakfast conversations flow as easily as the coffee. At every session, I spoke to Fellows of all ages – some even older than I am – from all regions of the world. I was impressed with the level of international teaching experience, even among teachers who looked like they were 18 years old (they weren’t). I was delighted to meet the Fellows going to the countries where I’d lived decades ago. So many new and renewing Fellows were willing to go out of their way to welcome like-minded colleagues. I left certain presentations feeling inspired by my new community.

During PDO, we exchanged phone numbers, Facebook invitations, and offers to visit. I got invited out on several occasions by Fellows much younger (and more fun) than I am. “No, thanks. I’m too old,” is not an answer I plan to use again. It’s not just fate that total strangers turned into friends so quickly.

During PDO, I learned that 140 characters is not just a Twitter word count; it’s the number new English Language teacher friends I’ve got in 70 countries around the world. We’ve only known each other for five days, but we are here to guide each other through the 2017-2018 Fellowship year. I can’t wait!